all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The ass gains better be worth it
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