I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
