btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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