If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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