And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
