Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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