Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
