If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
