we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize