She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
