I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
