nut hugger
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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