we have officially lost it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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