i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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