Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
