if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
