these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
barbara walters just said penis...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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