what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
