If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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