party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
