Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize