Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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