i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
