Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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