Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
