I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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