I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
