There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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