I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
