i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
