He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
