you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i will never coherently bang her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
