Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
