I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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