my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
