literally had 100 drinks last night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
