note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
