Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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