Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
