Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
