I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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