He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
