You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
