I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
