I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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