dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
