I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
