i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize