Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry my hands just texted you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
