I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
