Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
