you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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