Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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