i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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