I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Found your dick twin last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
