I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
