3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
