i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
