yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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