the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
