you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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