It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I will pee on everything he values.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
