How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My life is pants optional.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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