Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
These tits shall not be calmed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
