I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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