first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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