Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i love accidental penises.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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