She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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