I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
