Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
love makes seman taste better
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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