And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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