it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found puke in my bra..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is this like a preordered booty call?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
