For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
