Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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