he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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