Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
