Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
