A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize