their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
