we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize