I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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