Your face is a jimmy john
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize