I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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