I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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