i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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