Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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