i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
